Ask anyone and they will tell you the “best years of your lives are when your kids are young.”
So far, in my 30 years, I think I would agree with that. My kids make me feel the happiest I have ever felt in my life. But it also seems to come with a small price tag on our personal mental health, and even sometimes your marriage or commitment to your significant other. I think as mothers we give ALL we have to our ‘littles,’ and leave little to none to give to ourselves and our marriage.
Don’t get me wrong, some days are long, but I LOVE how much my kids need me right now. I appreciate it, because I know one day, (probably in the blink of an eye), they won’t need me for absolutely everything. But it truly is tiring and exhausting, and at this point in life, we forget to make time for our friends, ourselves, and even our partner.
Because before kids–you did things for yourself. Like exercise. Or get your nails done. Or went for coffee dates. Or went shopping. Like IN a store.
Well most of us can kiss most of those things good bye for a few years. But, we’ll survive without those things for a while.
But, here is something most people don’t think about or at least talk about… how all of this affects your relationship with your partner.
Because, before kids–you actually liked your spouse. You enjoyed spending time doing nothing together. You enjoyed conversations, and date nights, and little getaways–but all of these things sometimes fly out the window once you have kids.
And it isn’t because we don’t want these things. We want to feel the way we felt when it was just us, but it gets hard, and time is SO slim and precious. I know when I finally get both kids to bed, I either want to run to my own bed, or I finally tackle my to-do list that is ne-ver end-ing… so doing anything for myself or with my spouse usually gets put at the bottom of the list, when really, we need to be putting them at the top. We have to put the work in to reap the benefits later.
We have to remember…what is the reason we got married, or are together in the first place?
Although it is easier said than done, the dishes can wait. The laundry can wait. But time keeps going, and the longer we neglect ourselves or our spouse, the harder it gets to find that spark again, both with ourselves and our person.The person we chose.
My point is…we need to remember that WE chose that person for OURSELVES. We chose them because they are good for our heart, they make us laugh, and because they complete us. They are our partner in this thing called life.
And as much as our kids need us, they need us just as much.
We need to make the time to rekindle and remember the reason why we chose each other, and be that role model for your kids. Take the date night. Enjoy a beer together. Hug often. Watch the movie together even if you end up falling asleep 10 minutes into it. Because at the end of the day, each minute you spend together counts as time invested in the relationship you committed to. You deserve it, they deserve it, and your kids deserve to witness it, too.
Remember–the days are long, but the years are short. Make the most out of those long days and you won’t regret a single minute.
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